Adjusting as a Family of Four

Barrett is here! He was born on February 6, at 38 weeks, weighing 9 lbs 11 oz, and was 21 inches long. He is our sweet, chunk of love – always smiling unless he’s hungry or overtired. He loves baths and hates naps. The moment he and Easton met for the first time was the sweetest – Easton kissed him on the head, and Barrett gave a little smile.

I’m so glad to be finally writing another post, but please excuse typos, poor grammar, or rambling thoughts – this is life with a newborn!

This time around has been different. It’s true what our friends told us – when the second baby is born, you each pick a kid to take care of. The dad takes the older sibling and the mom takes the new baby. So, I expected this; but it has been so hard! While Pat has been (thankfully) taking care of and spending lots of time with Easton, I feel like I am caring for a newborn alone this time. And I’m old now – there is a big difference between 35 and 30! I am tired, and simultaneously overwhelmed and bored with the constant feedings and broken sleep.

Meanwhile, I feel like I am totally neglecting my oldest child. And when I do spend time with him, my patience is very short-lived. It’s hard to handle the five-year-old silliness and all the questions when you are sleep-deprived, sitting in the edge of the tub breastfeeding, while trying to show him how to wash his hair the right way. He is louder than usual, trying to get our attention. He purposely gets in my way when Barrett cries and I go to pick him up, and wants to sit on my lap while I breastfeed. I feel terrible when he (constantly) asks me to “watch this” or “come play with me” and I almost always have to tell him I can’t right now because I’m taking care of his brother. Recently, I have been told “you don’t love me as much as Barrett,” or “I know you don’t love me anymore” (ouch).

The few times when (by the grace of God alone) I can manage to say the right thing in response, I explain to him that babies need a lot of care, and when he was a baby, I did the same things for him. I know this is a big adjustment for him too. I tell him stories about when he was a baby and show him pictures. When I can, I let him help with Barrett. He’s thankfully getting better at being gentle with him, and has learned how to give him his paci. It makes him so proud to be a helpful big brother, and it is sweet to watch.

So, I am thankful for the sweet brotherly moments, but it’s still hard not to feel like a failure on a daily basis. Not only do I feel like I am letting my oldest child down, but I’m neglecting my husband, the laundry is out of control, and it’s opening ceremonies and picture day for baseball and my child has no pants to wear (true story). Barrett refuses to nap, and we are eating sandwiches again for dinner. I’ve had my share of tears, and a meltdown or two. My daily prayer is that I will find joy in the chaos each day. And while, it’s not easy for me to let go of the feelings of failure, I always do find joy- through Barrett’s sweet smiles, a bedtime story with Easton, a dinner uninterrupted by baby cries, or an episode of World of Dance with Pat (love that show!)…God provides these moments – I need to be better at noticing them.

And the sweet moments are the sweetest. Seeing Pat with a new baby again, and watching Easton with his new brother – hearing him talk about all the things they’re going to do together when Barrett is bigger – these are the things I need to focus on and forget the rest!

Some things are easier this time:

(1) Getting out of the house- I feel like with the second child, I’m not as worried about him crying in public or looking like I don’t know what I’m doing. Babies cry, and no one really knows what they’re doing

(2) Exercise- it’s not easier (actually, with all the weight I gained this time, I’d say it’s harder!), but I value it more. My workouts are usually short, but they can turn my mood around in a matter of minutes and make me feel like I’m doing something to take care of myself.

(3) Breastfeeding – I want to do a separate post on this because my experience has been so different this time, and I love hearing other people’s stories.

(4) Knowing “this too shall pass” – the newborn phase isn’t easy, but I know I’ll look back and think it flew by. That’s what I did with Easton.

I will welcome any tips from the experienced moms of two! And moms of more than two, you must be superheroes, so of course any advice you have is welcomed with open arms!

Photos by: Rebecca Wise (Rebecca Wise Photography)